After his death, I decided to live with my mother and sister because they were the only family I had at that point (Lahiri 56). It still pains me to tell you how sorry I am based on my unjust behavior towards you.
There are various issues I would like to tell you my friend pertaining the reasoning that made me go through what I believed at that time was right. There is the issue of culture and that my parents were always against me marrying someone from another culture. My parents were concerned with my affairs and eventually poisoned my mind to an extent that made me marry a Bengali girl by the name of Moushumi. She was my childhood friend and my family had become fond of her.
Another issue that has been disturbing me in relation to my cultural identity. My parents are Bengali but seeing what they did to my name made me angry. Nikhil was initially my name but, I was registered under the name Gogol in school because my father loved the name from Nicolai Gogol books (Lahiri 33). After my father died, it hit me hard because of cultural differences whereby, our culture always wants closeness of the family. Therefore, I was forced to marry this Bengali girl in order to please my mother.
I did a lot of crazy things including drugs and partying, forgetting that it was an acquired way of life. I am still attracted to you and your way of life. The relaxed way of life in America is so much appealing to most individuals as compared with the strict rules from the Bengali culture, but, damaging in the long run. I was so anxious about my Bengali culture until it affected my relationship with my schoolmates. In most cases, I was always waiting for people to make stereotypical comments about my culture, instead of being grateful to what life offered me (Lahiri 70).
Finally, my dear, it has come to my mind that I was all along wrong in my actions and I am apologetic for that.